ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
