This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
