I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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