It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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