Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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