I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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