I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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