I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
