OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
