kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
