New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
