Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
