I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
