Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
