I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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