I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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