i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
