I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
