I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
