fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
