the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
