heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
