How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
