Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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