I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
