Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
