Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
