She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
