i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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