i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
