Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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