I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
