so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
