I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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