I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
