I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
