$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
