You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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