I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
