That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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