After last night, I could never be a politician.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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