your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Holy sore nipples Batman
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
