Non-Jews are for practice
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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