whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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