PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
