I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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