Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
