It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
