i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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