my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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