if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
