I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
