Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm both gender and math confused
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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